Achilles' Heel

Every individual comes with his own set of strength and weakness in this world. It's an advantage if one is able to hide his/her weaknesses and leverage their strengths.
It's a big advantage if one can hide his/her major "Achilles Heel".

Well in my case the biggest blunder is my strength and weakness actually complement each other in most occasions. Given that I am such an extrovert and a friendly person , helps me to break ice with most people easily however at the same time my loud voice and my temper which seems to flare up at the most innocuous times and is something to be wary of.

However people close to me and who know me very well, know that it's just me being me and there is no malice in my actions what so ever when I am angry.Just that sometimes I am not able to control my emotions and the worst thing I can do at that time and which I try my best to control on most occasions is to have an outburst if not on any particular person, then just on myself.

I know sometimes it gets really scary, and I do have an idea about that too but I don't know why but since I have got to AIM, these bouts of sudden anger has really increased. There was a time where I had shut myself out from people just so as to not get into further trouble.

Is it because I am feeling uncomfortable in this environment or is it just a phase. Well it doesn't look like a phase to me given the fact that it's already been 7 months here in Manila. I have got used to life here and am comfortable in this surrounding. Then why is that at times I tend to just lose it even if it is just for a few seconds.

The biggest problem here is not the actual outburst but the aftermath of these outbursts. Apologizing to people was never a problem and I am most genuine about it but explaining them why I acted that way is a pain. Trust me if I knew why I do that I would have put a stop to that.

The only advantage of this problem which I can see is that my anger actually sometimes triggers me to do things which I would normally never think about doing. It motivates me to prove people wrong and challenge my own limits. However this advantage is far outweighed by the repercussions which this weakness of my tends to generate.

Checking Wikipedia the actual meaning of Achilles' Heel came up to be this:-

An Achilles’ heel is a fatal weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.

How true this seems in my case, more now than ever. I guess to some extent mom is also right. I have inherited my dad's anger. At least he has learnt with age to sober down but with me the only way I can actually not this affect my day to day life is by exerting myself more and more by playing. May be this is one reason I am so edgy here in AIM.

I try my hand in so many games but may be I am missing football and squash a lot. Well playing football now even after AIM is going to be a very difficult proposition, however I hope I get back to squash as soon as I get back home.

Well I guess this will be an open ended blog given the fact that I still haven't figured a solution to this problem. The only good thing as of now is that I know it is manageable. I guess I have to just take it easy and stop deciding on what I want n how I want things around me and let life decide the same for me for a while...