Achilles' Heel

Every individual comes with his own set of strength and weakness in this world. It's an advantage if one is able to hide his/her weaknesses and leverage their strengths.
It's a big advantage if one can hide his/her major "Achilles Heel".

Well in my case the biggest blunder is my strength and weakness actually complement each other in most occasions. Given that I am such an extrovert and a friendly person , helps me to break ice with most people easily however at the same time my loud voice and my temper which seems to flare up at the most innocuous times and is something to be wary of.

However people close to me and who know me very well, know that it's just me being me and there is no malice in my actions what so ever when I am angry.Just that sometimes I am not able to control my emotions and the worst thing I can do at that time and which I try my best to control on most occasions is to have an outburst if not on any particular person, then just on myself.

I know sometimes it gets really scary, and I do have an idea about that too but I don't know why but since I have got to AIM, these bouts of sudden anger has really increased. There was a time where I had shut myself out from people just so as to not get into further trouble.

Is it because I am feeling uncomfortable in this environment or is it just a phase. Well it doesn't look like a phase to me given the fact that it's already been 7 months here in Manila. I have got used to life here and am comfortable in this surrounding. Then why is that at times I tend to just lose it even if it is just for a few seconds.

The biggest problem here is not the actual outburst but the aftermath of these outbursts. Apologizing to people was never a problem and I am most genuine about it but explaining them why I acted that way is a pain. Trust me if I knew why I do that I would have put a stop to that.

The only advantage of this problem which I can see is that my anger actually sometimes triggers me to do things which I would normally never think about doing. It motivates me to prove people wrong and challenge my own limits. However this advantage is far outweighed by the repercussions which this weakness of my tends to generate.

Checking Wikipedia the actual meaning of Achilles' Heel came up to be this:-

An Achilles’ heel is a fatal weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.

How true this seems in my case, more now than ever. I guess to some extent mom is also right. I have inherited my dad's anger. At least he has learnt with age to sober down but with me the only way I can actually not this affect my day to day life is by exerting myself more and more by playing. May be this is one reason I am so edgy here in AIM.

I try my hand in so many games but may be I am missing football and squash a lot. Well playing football now even after AIM is going to be a very difficult proposition, however I hope I get back to squash as soon as I get back home.

Well I guess this will be an open ended blog given the fact that I still haven't figured a solution to this problem. The only good thing as of now is that I know it is manageable. I guess I have to just take it easy and stop deciding on what I want n how I want things around me and let life decide the same for me for a while...

Week of unneccessary fights and confusion...

Is it something to do with the timing or is it just my plain bad luck. After having come to be in peace with myself over different issues in life, when everything seem to have settled down finally the events of unnecessary confusions and trouble seems to have surfaced.

What am I suppose to do when I get a bit agitated. Everybody has their own ways of letting out and I guess it's with in a person's right to handle the situation as and how he deems it to be.

Not that I am not trying or that I am angry and over the edge at all times but yeah when I am edgy, I am really edgy.

Anyways I guess, enough has been said and written about this before so I'll just let it be the way it is...

Well from now 1 thing is clear, no more planning and no more compromises. If things have to smoothen out they will else I'll run the tide.

As far as expectations are concerned I guess everyone around just says that they know me well and have figured me out completely inside out...Well I guess they are missing the whole point then. Figuring me out might seem very easy for most people but understanding me is a very difficult thing because sometimes I myself am not able to do so...

Well as I am anyways rambling about random stuff, another very important thing which I completely agree with is never to expect anything from anyone...That's the worse you can do...for yourself as well as for others. I guess I had that thing figured out in life already but lately I am myself realizing that I have been demanding a lot from people around me and this is now pissing me off more than anything else.

I guess a few days away from everything n everyone will help in a big way to deal with this situation and also to reassess.

Well I guess enough of pouring out my shitty thoughts at this time of the hour.Though I am not at all sleepy and as is the case I can never really sleep with unpleasant thoughts in my mind the best thing to do could be to watch a movie.

I'll contemplate on that and a lot other things.

Last Call fo CP...

3 cheers for Cohort 3.

Seriously, one the best batches of seniors I have seen in my life. Not that they are any older or younger than me but the love and adulation they showed us, the guys from cohort 4 since the day we landed up in Manila and AIM has been beyond description.

Yesterday was a wonderful grand finale for these guys and hats off to the organizers for throwing a fantabulous party for cohort 3. Looking at people getting drunk and enjoying themselves made me realize that within the next 20 days the faces which I so got used to seeing everyday wouldn't be around anymore. The voices which I have been hearing since the past 7 months will cease to chatter.

However what will remain are the memories of these wonderful times with these marvelous human beings.

The first nite of drinking transcended to every nite of drunken revelry first by the pool side then the beer garden and then finally at H2C and then to other parts of Manila...:)

The poker nights, the birthday party celebrations, those drinking sessions before an exam, watching cricket matches together will all be the memories left behind by C-3...Not to forget the cricket matches we played over the weekend or the table tennis games which are now a days in full flow...

To all my friends in Cohort 3...Once again thank you for making us a part of the family and guiding us through all the rough times here in AIM...

It has been an absolute pleasure to have been a junior to you guys...Cheers...

Fun at Table Tennis

For the past few days my evenings are spent playing incessant amount of table tennis here at AIM. The game which I learnt and honed during my engineering has really come in as a wonderful stress buster here in AIM even though there ain't any stress now a days at all...

The amount of fun which I have been having these days playing table tennis is beyond description. It's just the feeling of competition and the feeling of going back to being kids which makes this exercise such a wonderful experience in itself.

Hence for the past few weeks from 7 in the evening to 11 in the nite you'll find the small kids of AIM fighting it out at the table tennis area in full view of the adults trying to study around us.

The last few days at the game have been hilarious to say the least. It's more of a fun exercise than a competition but that doesn't mean that the games aren't serious. Each and every point is played with all seriousness but not without forgetting the fact that in the end we are here to enjoy the moment.

Also this being the last few days for cohort 3 guys it gives me more time with my friends to enjoy these moments.

The revelry will continue even without them but it will not be the same again...

Till then lets fight for each and every point...

Birthday Done!!

So many things in life is happening at the same time.Well I have realized that thinking doesn't help at all...The last few weeks have been a blur as far a education is concerned. I guess the priorities have changed all of a sudden and that's not a good thing at all...But given that the next 9 months will be the last of my so called education I guess I'll just live it up...

The birthday celebration was slow to start with but when the alcohol kicked into the system for everyone, it turned out to be a really unforgettable night for everyone I guess...Can't believe that a handful of us could consume 18 bottles of hardcore alcohol...Insane...

Also the fact that we have been drinking continuously for more than a forthnight now doesn't augur well for my liver and health in general. However it is a known fact that once cohort 3 goes back in Dec the party scene will also disappear along with them. I guess we'll just make up most of what we have for the next 20 days or so...

Well though I have turned 26, I still believe and think like an 11 year old in most aspects of life...If only I could survive doing that for the rest of my life...Wishful thinking...

However as another year passes and as I look back on the year gone by I have nothing but happy memories...It has been a bitter sweet symphony...

Lets see what's in store for me as 26 year old MBA graduate in the coming year....

Happy 26th birthday!!

It's T-30 mins to go for the party to commence and I just don't feel like joining in the revelry tonight.Dunno why?

May be it's from the drinking from last night or from the incessant partying that we have been doing for the past couple of weeks or may be because of the hype surrounding my birthday celebrations.

I guess this will be the first time I'll be celebrating my birthday on such a large scale.Can't believe that I am going to be 26 at the turn of the clock today.

Well will be missing out on celebrating my birthday with friends back home, but at the same time I am also looking forward to enjoying my birthday here with some really true and good friends.

I just hope this turns out to be a very good night for all of us...

Cheers...