Courage...

Right from childhood I have been fed with stories of courage and sacrifice by the great Indian kings of old as well the freedom fighters and people who fought for India's freedom from the British.

Films depicting struggle and extreme adversities which in the end of the day is overcome by true grit and courage of the protangist has always done well at the BO, if provided the correct treatment by its makers.

Even after being exposed to stories of courage through stories, books, t.v, movies etc, I am still in a dillema as to the true meaning of courage.

Do only soldiers show courage in their day to day life? Or do sportsman show courage during a game? Well I am sure they are the most glorified of the lot...Or is courage something which social activists show while going against a corrupt minister or the government.

I believe every individual shows courage in their day to day life. For a kid it takes courage to go learn riding a bike for the first time. It takes courage for a mother to give birth to her children. It takes courage for a bachelor to change his status to married after 25 odd yrs of a carefree life.

In essense what I am saying is courage is needed in anything and everything we do...

Sometimes we need courage to go against the norm. To do what we feel is right. To go against established practises in order to bring a sense of existence in our own lives. So courage can sometime be seen as been prudent... It could be percieved as an act of arrogance by the person who exibits such courage...Or as a act of foolishness by others.

For e.g if you go against your parents, it is percieved as an act of disrespect towards them. Similarly if at work, you go against the set norms, you are considered to be an outcast. I could give numerous examples where an act of courage could be easily mistaken for a more negative adjective.

The biggest pridicament, I face right now is to decide between what I know is right for me and what people closest to me, think is right for me.

In the end I know its my decision, but the no. of people affected by that decision has an overbearing affect on me deciding on my decision. (Confusing isn't it)...

Well as of now I guess the courage lies in enduring the pain and going through the motions for a little while longer. In the end of the day, the tide has to turn sometime or the other.

The smarter thing would to wait for the tide to turn... The foolish and more courageous thing, would be to force the tide to change...

Well knowing myself, and the way things are panning out, it will be much sooner than latter that I decide on acting the fool all over again...

Old Ties...

It feels so good when you talk to a school friend or someone whom you have known since school after a long hiatus. You don't need to explain them about your actions nor give them clarifications.

Also it so important to have friends from school since they are the one who actually know you when you were completely unspoiled and uncorrupted.

I am lucky to have at least a few friends from my school days with whom I can confide and actually discuss whatever is on my mind.

It feels so nice to relive those younger days even if through memory, but truly school days were really the "Wonder Years" of my life...

Chatted with Sambit today after a long while and as we discussed each others life, we could easily relate to what the other was trying to say.It was as if we didn't need to say anything to one another.I was understood...:)

Well now that's what I call friendship...

Achilles' Heel

Every individual comes with his own set of strength and weakness in this world. It's an advantage if one is able to hide his/her weaknesses and leverage their strengths.
It's a big advantage if one can hide his/her major "Achilles Heel".

Well in my case the biggest blunder is my strength and weakness actually complement each other in most occasions. Given that I am such an extrovert and a friendly person , helps me to break ice with most people easily however at the same time my loud voice and my temper which seems to flare up at the most innocuous times and is something to be wary of.

However people close to me and who know me very well, know that it's just me being me and there is no malice in my actions what so ever when I am angry.Just that sometimes I am not able to control my emotions and the worst thing I can do at that time and which I try my best to control on most occasions is to have an outburst if not on any particular person, then just on myself.

I know sometimes it gets really scary, and I do have an idea about that too but I don't know why but since I have got to AIM, these bouts of sudden anger has really increased. There was a time where I had shut myself out from people just so as to not get into further trouble.

Is it because I am feeling uncomfortable in this environment or is it just a phase. Well it doesn't look like a phase to me given the fact that it's already been 7 months here in Manila. I have got used to life here and am comfortable in this surrounding. Then why is that at times I tend to just lose it even if it is just for a few seconds.

The biggest problem here is not the actual outburst but the aftermath of these outbursts. Apologizing to people was never a problem and I am most genuine about it but explaining them why I acted that way is a pain. Trust me if I knew why I do that I would have put a stop to that.

The only advantage of this problem which I can see is that my anger actually sometimes triggers me to do things which I would normally never think about doing. It motivates me to prove people wrong and challenge my own limits. However this advantage is far outweighed by the repercussions which this weakness of my tends to generate.

Checking Wikipedia the actual meaning of Achilles' Heel came up to be this:-

An Achilles’ heel is a fatal weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.

How true this seems in my case, more now than ever. I guess to some extent mom is also right. I have inherited my dad's anger. At least he has learnt with age to sober down but with me the only way I can actually not this affect my day to day life is by exerting myself more and more by playing. May be this is one reason I am so edgy here in AIM.

I try my hand in so many games but may be I am missing football and squash a lot. Well playing football now even after AIM is going to be a very difficult proposition, however I hope I get back to squash as soon as I get back home.

Well I guess this will be an open ended blog given the fact that I still haven't figured a solution to this problem. The only good thing as of now is that I know it is manageable. I guess I have to just take it easy and stop deciding on what I want n how I want things around me and let life decide the same for me for a while...

Happy Finally...

Is it the lack of sleep from yesterday or the grueling 2 hour basketball match yesterday evening but I kind of feel happy today...Been a while since I could say that with full on conviction...

Well, I guess the tides are changing again...Well the best time of the year for me arrives in a month and I can't wait to experience the Christmas celebrations in this country.One of my life long dreams to experience the true spirit of Christmas and here is my chance.

Given the situation I find myself every now and often, it is amazing how I have kept my cool through most part during the past few weeks.

I guess I have made it a habit to blog during lectures now a days...I am actually entering this during an ABS lecture...Can you beat that...Am I paying 1500 pesos a class to do this...? I hope not...

By the way term 2 has been a drag as compared to term 1...Apart from GM classes which though interesting still can't get my full attention the rest of the classes are just crass and full of bs cp...

I have never been so disinterested in studies as I have been in this term...

Well I am looking forward to the 3 day weekend break to recharge my batteries , get a fresh perspective in life and enjoy some kick ass sports activity as well as find some time to party...

Given the amount of stress I have been taking these past few weeks, it makes sense for me to just step back and look at the bigger picture and relax myself for the struggles ahead...

Well enough said...I have rambled enough already...Now it's time for some Fifa for the next 20 mins before this class ends...

May be my next post will be more meaningful...

Plain and Simple...

Thanks Bindi for the scolding in the comment.I guess I don't have to complicate my life anymore...It's too complicated anyways to even think about getting it more complicated further.

I guess the best advice I have got and that's from you Bindi, is to just go on with life and enjoy each moment as it comes. Time will be the healer for everything I guess...

I am too young anyways to stress too much in life and bullocks to the world...

Understood loud and clear...I guess it's time to move on and experience new things along the way as well as think more intently about life after MBA...

So from today, the agenda each day is to do only simple things & enjoy the small moments in life...

That means playing football this weekend becomes the biggest priority and traveling the country as the second most important priority as of now.

Also I have to start focusing on studying in term 2 else I would be in a big ditch come term end.

Well I always plan things properly but never ever seem to be able to implement it till the end...
Lets hope this plan lasts at least a forth night.

Cheers...

Thank god I have people who actually know me well enough not to really judge me for my actions...

The twisted way of fate...

How twisted can one get...? Is there really anything called fate in this world or is it just our imagination.Does God really have a path carved out for all of us or is it that we just keep walking on untrodden snow leaving our footprints behind not knowing where we are heading.

Is fate a reality or a figment of one's imagination.Everyone around says that "Naseeb main jo hota hai milega". but who is it that decides this "Naseeb" (fate). Is it us on our own or the environment around us, our parents or our friends or is it the mighty lord above us.

Sometimes I feel that there is nothing like fate at all.It's all in the mind. A human has his brain and mind to carve out his own destiny.All he needs is some luck and some sign for him to go ahead and get the job done.

As it is if fate had such an important role to play in everyone's life then wouldn't it been that every human would have just lazed around and let fate play it's part to perfection.

Given that there is a saying that " A man makes his own destiny" but is it really true? Is it really that a man can alone shape his own destiny without any guidance, sign or help.

I believe every successful and rich person in this world would have had one godfather or godmother whom he/she would like to thank from the bottom of his heart.

And for the rest there is the almighty?

I have no idea why am I writing about such an abstract topic.
I was thinking of putting down something else actually...

Anyways may be sometime later, when the times are better and I have finally settled in my own cocoon.

Irony of life...

Why is that the human mind is never happy with what's on his plate at present.Why is it that he either wants what was there in the past or something which someone else has but he knows can't be had in the future.Then there are cases where he knows he has something great at the moment but not willing to acknowledge it at all...

Sometimes it easier to appreciate something when you have lost it rather than when we had it with us. The most appropriate example will be that of our childhood. When we were kids the only thing we wanted was to grow up quickly into teenagers and enjoy the thrill of reckless living. In the process we lost out on our childhood and also on the innocence of it all.

One of the biggest irony of life is you never get what u want, when u want. It's always either too soon or too late.Never perfectly timed. And by any chance if we do get to a situation which feels just right, we go ahead and ruin it by our stupid and idiotic behavior.

I guess, I have now mastered the act of jeopardizing my life. Whenever I feel relaxed and settled in life, I just tend to create a avalanche or a storm around me to disrupt my life altogether again.

Well I just hope at the end of this crossroad I'll be able to pick up the pieces...

What the *#$%!!!

It's 6.50 am in the morning, I haven't slept a wink the whole of last night, my brain is blank and I have this uneasy feeling right now for what rhyme and reason I have no idea.

The fact that why am I putting my thoughts down here right now is a mystery to me...

After reading about Infosys in one of our GM reading for today, I am compelled to think about my time in Infosys...Those 3.5 yrs...Were they worth it? Did I have any value add? Was it beneficial to me in any way? Could I have done things differently?

The answer to all the above questions and many more is yes...There is so much regret in the way things went with me in Infosys and the way I handled the different situations.

True I had awesome fun and made some truly remarkable friends, but in hindsight I spent my time in Infosys not leveraging my thoughts and abilities.

There was soo much that could have been done and so much which sshould have been done...

Now that I am doing my MBA, I can find a parallel to the whole thing.

The trouble is with me.I set plans and then instead of following them to completion, keep changing it to my whims and wishes.Though I potray that I am only enjoying even in AIM, I
have learnt a lot in the past 4.5 months but it is now time to implement some of the plans which I intented to do during my MBA...for e.g.:- Market analysis on the sports sector in Asia and a few paper presentations for different college competition.

Well the countdown begin then and this time I intend to see it through the end.

Though I still don't understand why the hell am I so frustrated and edgy today morning...

Choices...

Since the time I had been a little kid or should I say since the day I was born life has been all about choices.Sometimes I sit alone n wonder if there are parallel universe in existence where one can live out all the choice one makes one at a time.

Say for e.g if I hadn't been in the school I went to, how different would my life would have been now? Or for e.g. (& I so believe in this one) had I not done so well in my 10th then would I have taken science ever and gone on to being an engineer which I eventually did?
Or what if I was allowed to take the college of my choice during my junior college days?

There are so many if's & buts here that I can't even imagine the different possibilities and choices in life I have made and also let go of...

The irony of life is you never regret your decision at the time of making them but later when there is no point regretting...I mean come on, how can life get so complicated just because of a few decisions and choices.

When I reflect back in my life, it seems it wasn't the lack of choices that I had but the lack of enthusiasm to exercise the choices which I really wanted to make.Though whenever I have really gone beyond the threshold and made a choice I have stuck to it...So at least 1 brownie point for me there.

Given the fast paced life we are living in, every moment we make a choice regardless of whether we are aware of it or not...

My only wish is by the end of it all, I just hope I don't let go of so many choices that when I really wanna decide there are no choices left at all...:(...